Ever been to Missouri?Yes, there is a huge state between Kansas City and St. Louis and it is called MISSOURI .
It has some beautiful cities, and is also full of MANY, MANY small towns and abundant farm land which we call Rural MISSOURI. Here is someone’s take on “Rural Missouri” and it’s quite accurate.
THE RULES OF RURAL MISSOURI ARE AS FOLLOWS: Listen up City Slickers!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap around straight… your head isn’t crooked.
3. Let’s get this straight; it’s called a ‘dirt road’ No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus.. Drive it or get out of the way. I drive a pickup truck because I want to.
4. They are cattle. They’re live steaks. That’s why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-70 and I-29 go west and south… use ’em.
5. So you have a $60,000 car… we’re impressed. We have $250,000 combines… to harvest corn and soybeans…that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in rural MISSOURI waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat meat, taters and gravy, beans and biscuits, and homemade pie. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available down at Jim’s bait shop.
9. The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer season. It’s like a religious holiday, held before Thanksgiving.
10. We open doors for women. That applies to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there’s no ‘vegetarian special’ on the menu. Order steak or chicken. Or, you can order the Chef’s salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices…salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah… We don’t care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat… IT AIN’T REAL CHILI !!
13. You bring ‘coke’ into my house… it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14. You bring ‘Mary Jane’ into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. The Missouri Tigers and high school football are as important here as the Royals and the Chiefs, the Cardinals and the Blues – and just as much fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses.. But don’t hit the water hazards… it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all over. We have Missouri University, Missouri State College, Community Colleges, and Voc-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and Country, and they still wave to everybody when they come home for the holidays.
18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain’t music anyway. We don’t want to hear it any more than we want to see your boxers. (Refer back to #1.)
19. Four inches of snow isn’t a blizzard… it’s a flurry. Drive in it like you got some sense, and DON’T take all our bread, milk, and eggs off the grocery shelves. This ain’t Alaska! Worst case.. you may have to live a whole day without croissants. Anyway… the pickups with snowplows will have you out the next day.
20. If you’ve never been here, come visit our friendly folks and enjoy our spectacular scenery… lakes,farmland, great fishing and hunting, wineries, museums, lots of history.
21. By the way, if you want to talk to God in Missouri …it’s a local call.
A true Missourian will send this on!!!HAVE A GREAT DAY!FROM RURAL Missouri With Love and God’s Blessings